Outdoor Training : Ropsley Cricket Ground-
Thursdays between 7pm and 9pm .


Home ground : Ropsley

Club house : The Green Man, Ropsley

Contact : Dick Caley (captain) 01476 563931 richard.caley@live.com
Dave Gilbert ( Vice captain & secretary) 07944 988147
davidgoasby@aol.com
Jon Chandler (fixtures) 07843 376040 jon.chandler@talktalk.net
Bill Guinness (chairman) 07964 505043 billguinness@hotmail.com
Mike Tedbury(treasurer) 07946 435696 mike.tedbury@zen.co.uk

Fixtures 2012

May 6 th Great Ponton H.
May 13th Scopwick H .
May 20th Nelsons Ashes H.
June 10th Ancaster A.
June 17th Great Ponton A .
July 1st Nelson Ashes H.
July 15th Ashby Carrington H .
July 22nd Bricklayers arms A.
July 29th Ancaster H .
August 5th Scopwick A.
Sept 2nd Spalding H.



Oasby v Nelsons Ashes at Ropsley Sunday 20th May 2012. Osaby lost by 74 runs. Ashes 188 for 8, Oasby 114 all out.

This report has been produced under the auspices of, and with the guidance of, The Geneva Convention, The Leveson Enquiry and the MCC enquiry onto dodgy doings in deepest Devonshire.

Under leaden skies and wrapped in fleeces , hats and scarves Oasby confidently took on a newly rejuvenated Nelson’s Ashes. They should have noted the rejuvenated bit.

Caley chose to bowl on a pitch well rolled with added Chandler. Thus it came with added bounce and the promise of early wickets. These duly arrived to the fearsome Chandler and the beguiling Gilbert. Chandler pleaded for rest and was rewarded with no more overs. Gilbert did not plead and will be rewarded in heaven. Helliwell, J took a splendid catch by nearly jumping off the ground then bowled seven fiery overs with no luck at all. He also effected a seriously good run out with the aid of added Guinness. Catches were offered and dropped, offered and misjudged, offered to empty space – Oasby were not there, there, or there. Tedbury tried treble bouncers, it did not work. Helliwell W exceeded his father’s tally with accurate pace bowling and Leader – one of Oasby’s many unwilling bowlers - was rewarded for his persistent efforts. Chandler meanwhile stood bemused, hand in air, as if trying to take a catch, “please sir, can I have a go?” “No” was the stern reply, “you did not try hard enough”. Meanwhile more catches were offered by Wagstaff but Oasby did not take them. Further batsmen peppered the hedges with regularity. And balls. But not catches. Throughout, Oasby’s fielding was risible. Excuses were made all afternoon. The fines kitty bulged – Group4 on hand to protect the enthusiastic fines committee from gipsies, thieves and tramps. The most welcome sight, however, was Gilbert’s enthusiastic resurrection of the startled starfish when failing to collect the ball as it grazed his scalp. An award that must surely be presented at the next award dinner.

Tea was consumed with gusto, more pork products (Tedbury), more smoked fish (Caley), and cakes by Gilbert I. 188 was quite a high score but Oasby had the men to demolish that total, surely?

It began badly, Guinness failing to touch another straight one, Hyland failing to judge the speed necessary to complete a run. Gaunt and Leader never fully defrosted and both departed, bats neatly tucked under arm, with disgusted looks to the still leaden skies. Husemeyer serenely stroked the ball to all parts and Helliwell J brought hope to the hearts of the Oasby faithful with some mighty sixes. Surely when Gilbert joined the partnership we would be entertained by strokes all around the wicket of unparalleled class? No. Gilbert became Dennis Taylor, used his cricket bat as a snooker cue and poked a catch to a grateful fielder. Chandler entertained briefly and Helliwell W showed us what he could have done last week if given the chance. Sadly Tedbury did not repeat last week’s gargantuan score and departed a saddened, bitter and twisted man (there’s a beer reference in there). Several players wondered if Oasby had been distracted by the endless stream of adolescent humour wafting over the field while Oasby batted. Points have been awarded to the elder Helliwell for spotting the origin of one of the jokes – surely the rest was meaningless drivel? As the opposing wicket keeper pointed out – it made your ears bleed .

To the club house where he who is not manager and the club captain combined to reveal that Tedbury’s beer taste buds do not work when they have been outside in sub zero temperatures for in excess of 12 hours – so no score from him and simply a repeat of last week’s 8/10 for the Ruddle’s Bombardier, which was much appreciated by all.

Onward and up. The next game will be in summer with warmth to fire on Oasby’s willing band of warriors and victory will be theirs once again, with fresh beers to sample in the Club House, specially chosen by the Club House Captain for their envigourating flavour, and rejuvenating properties.

Chandler 4-0-12-2, Gilbert 8-0-31-2, Helliwell, J 7-0-42-0, Tedbury 4-0-26-0, Helliwell,W 8-0-39-2, Leader 7-1-27-2
Guinness 0, Hyland 0, Husemeyer 15, Gaunt 12, Leader 2, Helliwell J 55, Gilbert 0, Caley 2, Chandler 8, Helliwell W 6 n.o., Tedbury 0.

Catches Helliwell J 1, Guinness 1, Gilbert 2, Husemeyer 1



Oasby v Scopwick at Ropsley Sunday 13th May 2012. Oasby won by 18 runs. Oasby 76 all out. Scopwick 58 all out.

Gilbert called heads and it landed tails. Oasby to bat on an early season pudding of a strip, lovingly prepared by Jon ' Charlie Dimmock' Chandler and Keith our head grounds man.
Guinness perished, leaving a straight one, and the rest followed his lead. Husemeyer was run out, Helliwell J. was caught out, Gilbert was pathetically out and Chandler 'came out'. All for very few runs in very few overs. Hyland delayed the bowlers with some good shots and Enever was the pick of the batters with a great 31 in trying conditions whilst all around him his team mates self harmed like gothic teenagers.
But the tail wagged!
Tedbury commanded the crease with authority and brute force. Normally the expert at dot ball batting, he opened his shoulders and smashed singles. With new found confidence and the senior partner he even stroked, nay bludgeoned, a FOUR.
With nine down our final batter strode to the crease and faced 20 balls of varying quality from Scopwick. This was no ordinary 'tail ender'. This was a young man on his Baboon debut and he did splendidly. Thomas Helliwell scored 2 runs, more than his dad and older brother combined. When they couldn't get him out with bowling they threw the ball at him to injure the lad. The Doctor tended our warrior with great advice from a seasoned medical practitioner.' Give it a rub '. Eventually Thomas fell to the dastardly straight delivery, leaving Doctor spin unbeaten on 12.

Tea was triumphant with Hyland and Guinness the savoury experts and Nanny Gilbert the cake baker with an exquisite victoria sponge the pick of the sweet trolley.
It was however a subdued affair with the bowlers main concern being only 76 runs to defend.

Nil desperandum!
Moobs Chandler took the new ball and marked his run. A sneer on his face, fire and pork pie in his belly he started his run up. Tasker at the other end shook like a defecating poodle. The ball thudded into the pitch and bounced, hit the wickets and Tasker departed. 0 for 0. The next man took a single, then a dot and then wicket again. 1 for 2.
Enever from the other end was of similar mind. Wicket maiden bowled.
Oasby's fielding was superb with Hyland and Husemeyer showing the younger men how to do it. Pressure built on pressure and maiden overs followed. Thomas fielding at fly slip did everyone proud, as did his brother, William, at mid on. Helliwell J. and Gilbert combined to fashion a good run out.
Gilbert and Tedbury took over bowling duties with tidy spells but with squeaky bum time approaching a breakthrough was needed and Helliwell J. was summoned.
His first over was as tidy as it gets but without wickets. His second won the game for the Baboons and left him on a hatrick for the next game.
Jubilation was abound and Helliwell J. fell to his knees, raised both hands to the heavens and screamed with joy, 'who's the Daddy'?

All retired to the club house for lovely beers from the club house manager. Ruddles was proclaimed 'ruined' by Dr. Pedantry, not by the CHM but by the brewery and mutterings of, 'it was much better in my day'. Bombardier attained a steady 8 from the panel and Craig's demeanour scored a smiley 9.

Guinness 2. Hyland 15. Husemeyer 2. Enever 31. Helliwell J. 1. Gilbert 0. Chandler 2. Helliwell W. 0. Tedbury 12 n.o. Caley 3. Helliwell T. 2.
Chandler 7-2-12-3. Enever 8-3-8-3. Gilbert 8-2-15-0.Tedbury 7-2-19-1. Helliwell J. 1.4-1-0-2.
Catches 1 Guinness.


Oasby v. Spalding 3rds at Spalding 15 April 2012. Oasby won by 4 wickets . Spalding 112 all out, Oasby 113 for 6. 35 over match

A new year and a new season; Oasby’s match secretary had sadistically arranged for Oasby to play in the arctic in winter. Or so it seemed. Spalding brushed the frost off the ground while Oasby donned layers of insulating clothing and woolly hats. There were complaining noises from the fines committee but those in their woolly hats would not forsake them, even at the price of a fine.
Gilbert strode all the way to the centre to flip the coin (some said just to show he could still move) and Oasby were fielding. Chandler opened with a new style – hopping to the wicket complaining about sisters. However they (the sisters) did not stop him taking wickets and he was happy. A surprising move found his opening partner to be Tedbury – surprising the opposition with his sideways spin and frankly pie-like bowling. Annoyingly for Spalding the pies took wickets. Most effective was the pre-emptive dive for cover in the delivery stride, the bowler looking up to see a flattened off stump. Gilbert took wickets with his interesting leg spin. It was not amusing. Spalding generously lent Oasby a player – one fully equipped with cricketing skill. Most generous, which his bowling was not. His worst ball also took a wicket. Gaunt came grumbling to the fray and was annoyed to take wickets while Husemeyer plied his southern hemisphere version of spin. It has been previously noted that the temperature was not high; perhaps this is why Oasby’s fielding was so variable. Good catches were taken with great nonchalance (Husemeyer, Gilbert, Guinness, F Hyland) while balls were kicked over the boundary by Hall, dived over by others, ineffectually mis-kicked by others and ignored by yet others. Too numerous to accuse.

Tea might have come next, but it did not. There was a promise of food later if Oasby behaved well and did not dive on the the pitches next to ours. No chance.

So Oasby batted. It is hard to describe the deep sense of doldrum that enveloped the somnolent watching crowd. Oasby progressed slowly towards their total; perhaps mindful that Hyland, I’s initial display of aggression resulted in his being out. So Guinness and Booth, like Tavare and Boycott refused to get out. Booth elegantly stroking the ball to a wide variety of fielders, Guinness moaning in pain at regular intervals until once again a display of aggression resulted in a catch. The crowd was waiting for the cameo aggressive innings of Hall but first we had six-hitting Gaunt and comedy Dave. Eventually Gaunt declared that “he had to let someone else have a go and anyway he needed a ***”. At last Hall strode to the wicket, Gilbert facing. Ball hits Gilberts pad. Goes nowhere. “Yeeeeessss” was the call. “Bugger” said Hall and was run out. Disappointment all round. Gilbert so distracted by Jim’s continual conversation with his party of friends that he played “that shot” for the waiting mid-on to catch. Great tension as the overs were ticking away and runs were to be made, and made they were most elegantly by Hyland F and Husemeyer, the latter striking the winning runs to top the day’s most complete performance.

And then the tea. A splendidly warming barbecue and off to the pub. Oasby really must not let Tedbury choose the pub. The Lincolnshire Poacher gets 0/10 for having no proper beer. So off to The Green Man and Craig’s warming 6x’s, served with a merry quip and happiness all round.

Chandler 5-0-24-2; Tedbury 7-0-26-3; Gilbert 7-0-19-2; Norris (loan) 6-0-11-1; Husemeyer 2-0-9-0
Guinness 22; Hyland, I 0; Booth 19; Gaunt 34; Gilbert 2; Hall 0; Hyland, F 12 n.o.; Husemeyer 9 n.o.
Catches: Husemeyer, Gilbert, Guinness, F Hyland - 1 apiece

PS for our American cousins: "eff, eh, gee" is not a rude word. It is very moderate slang for cigarette. It does not need ***. F,a,g,. Does that work?


And for an independant, if inaccurate report, let us go to The Spalding Guardian newspaper, back page (fame at last):-

Spalding 3rd stepped up their preparations for the new season with a four-wicket loss to Oasby on Sunday.
Having won the toss, Spalding decided to bat first - but only Jimmy Clarke (46 not out) made any kind of impact on the scorers.
Tedbury (3-24) and Gaunt (2-18) did much of the damage, as Town posted just 112.
In reply, Oasby were on the verge of collapse at 90-6, but managed to reach 113-6 to seal the match. Clarke (2-27) and the economical Heath Ripley (1-5) bowled well.