Where better to spend Sunday afternoon?


Sunday Sept 21 2008: Ashby Carrington away; Oasby lost by 1 wicket. Oasby 154 all out, AC 155 for 9.

The last thrash of the season heralded blue sky and bird song on the green sward of deepest Liecestershire. Oasby batted first with only two rabbits failing to trouble the scorers. The most memorable of which saw Chandler contribute a trademark golden duck to much hilarity to all present. Chandler has now scored more golden ducks at Ashby Carrington than any other cricketer alive or dead. In years past Jon has had two in one innings. An achievement one can only marvel at. The high spots of the innings saw a marvelous partnership between Earnshaw and Hadlow. Both previously mentioned in the same hushed tones as Chandler amid head shaking and tutting, they batted imperiously. Scoring in tandem, taking turns to find the boundary, even the lofted salute of six was raised for a Hadlow blow. Hyland, a previous under achiever, continued in the fashion of the day with Tedbury. Quite remarkable batting ensued from the lusty pair and took Oasby to a respectable 154 all out at tea.
Chandler opened the bowling up hill and into the wind. In quite torrid conditions he bowled manfully without reward or complaint. Not. In perfect conditions he chuntered and uttered quite rude expletives at the luckless Tedbury. Gilbert, from the stream end bowled with precision, guile and venom. 10 overs of fluid, athletic poetry ensued with 4 wickets amassed. Tedbury shuffled to the wicket with the stooped gait of a man wilting under the pressure of expectation. How he has carried the team with his golden arm of batsman's doom. Simple words can not convey the pain in a batters eyes when he falls to a Doctor Spin special one. If one imagines a man running over his own dog and then going home to find his wife in bed with Jon Chandler, that is the pain of falling to Dr. Spin. He felled 4 victims. More bowlers were needed so Skipper Caley passed the cherry to Hadlow and Guinness. With the game in the balance Ashby turned to god in the form of a batting vicar. Devine intervention was needed and came with lucky edges and cows to see Ashby home and hosed.
A lovely day ended with pints aplenty in a local hostelry, amid recriminations from Chandler that it just wasn't his day!!

Guinness 9. Caley 14. Clamp 1. Earnshaw 34. Reader 0. Gilbert 2.Hadlow 30. Hyland 27. Chandler 0. Tedbury 16 notout. Reader 2.
Chandler 10-0-46-0. Gilbert 10-1-29-4. Tedbury 10-0-39-4. Hadlow 5-0-19-1. Guinness 4-0-18-0


Sunday July 10th: The Lord Nelson at Ancaster; Oasby won by 6 wickets, The Lord Nelson 68 all out, Oasby 70 for 4 off 16.1 overs

A new score book requires a new attitude, in future Oasby will crush all before them. Today they made a start.

Weather: showery, windy with episodes of rain, yet we were allowed to play by the guardians of the pitch. Teams: 11-a-side and no webbed fingers, we think. The toss: Lord Nelson batted first.

From the outset it was evident that meteorological conditions would play a part. Gilbert bowled fiercely with the wind behind him pushing the batsmen back and occasionally pitching the "other" ball while Chandler struggled into the wind, being blown off course and inviting the batsmen to "go find the ball" over there. Or there, but definitely not there. Heaver then demonstrated his slower ball to good effect while some fiendish fielding by Hadlow destroyed many sets of stumps yet brought no wickets. Some comical running delivered a run out and brilliant captaincy brought the spinmeister to bowl into the wind. Clough had clearly been fed a mighty breakfast as he roared in from the "sightscreen" end yet it was the tempting slow, slower and slower still balls of Tedbury that ripped the heart out of Lord Nelson. For what seemed many hours no runs were scored, wickets were taken, catches held (including by Clamp) and destruction wrought. And so to tea: many processed pork products later and Clough was ready. His entry briefly delayed by Caley who forgot that while a ball may be on hittable length you also need to hit it. Otherwise you might get bowled. The lovingly prepared sausage rolls then fueled some skybound hits by Clough - none quite receiving the lofted arm salute from the umpire. Nelson was demoralised. His captain brought on "Monty" whose equally skybound deliveries proved to be the downfall of two Oasby faithful and caused Gilbert to freeze midstroke before carefully prodding forward and going nowhere. Patience was however rewarded, Hadlow tried to kill Monty (and was dropped) and Gilbert scored the winning run by missing a wide and sauntering to victory.

Tedbury promised to buy a round (oh yeah, heard that before) and the faithful drank beer. Onward and up.

Chandler 4-0-16-0; Gilbert 8-0-18-1; Heaver 4-0-10-1; Clough 7-0-10-1; Tedbury 7.1-3-12-6.
Caley 1, Guiness 17, Clough 32, Hyland 5, Gilbert 2 no, Hadlow 0 no. Extras 12.

Addendum to the Addendum:

The ether is alive tonight (7 8 08) with a further message, this time from Mr Lewis (no, it's not in morse):

"I can't find Mr Duckworth, I last saw him in The Green Man, staring at his navel, but I have inspected your scorebook and come to the conclusion that A) you need a new scorebook and B) you lost. Get used to it. Move on. Muppets."

Thus only limited amounts of beer may be consumed and a more vigorous attempt at winning is needed in the VERY near future if proper serum beer levels are to be maintained.

A Stella Vista.


Addendum:

We have just received this message from the chairman of the ECB (15.30h on 31 7 08):

"Sirs,
In the interests of promoting fair play and the "Spirit of Cricket" we regularly monitor results and web sites of amateur cricket clubs all over the country. This week your club was chosen at random from literally several. We note that your match was rain affected and in consequence Oasby chased a total to win of 130. We can't quite understand how this target was calculated unless it was negotiated by (and we apologise for the use of a technical term here) a muppet. Scopwick scored 155 in 40 overs thus a run rate per over of 3.875; the correct total for Oasby to chase over 30 overs, taking no account of wickets fallen, would be 116.25. If you were taking into account wickets fallen you would have to apply the method of Messrs Duckworth and Lewis (details available from Frindall W c/o Test Match Special) As your report does not mention wickets fallen we have to award the match to Oasby. Our records can be altered by forwarding the administrative fee of £25 to 57 West Road Pointon Sleaford NG340NA where our esteemed correspondant is currently residing. He will, as they say, do the deed.
PS : it was WG Grace and random insulting of Clamps is not permitted under rule 56".

You may therefore drink beer, if the thumb prints are not too heavy.

Sunday 28th July. Scopwick at Ancaster. Oasby lost by six runs. Scopwick 155 off 40 overs. Oasby 124 off 30.(rain affected total)

A sadly depleted Oasby side of eight took to the field against Scopwick. All bowlers battled manfully with a limited number of fielders and some acrobatic but incompetent catch attempts. Bar a brilliant run out by the author, the bragging rights went to Captain fantastic Heaver with three wickets. Hyland, Gilbert and Heaver paid Guinness the pounds of shame. The tea interval heralded the heavens opening and due to the delay in restarting a highly dubious total of 130 to win off 30 overs was decided upon.
Gilbert got a jaffa,Guinness got a start but heard the death rattle of the stumps akimbo. Hyland batted with more concentration now his supporters had departed. Oasby got back into the game with Heaver and Roberts smashing 21 apiece. Things still looked in control with the bearded spin doctor at the wicket.
That all changed with W.C at the crease. Not W.C Grace but Will Clamp. He wasn't named after a famous cricketer but a toilet! A fine fielder he certainly is, but his batting needs a little work. Oasby needed seven off the last over and the death knell tolled when Chandler holed out for substitute fielder Hyland to take the catch, even though he dropped two for his own team earlier. Shall we say Hyland's only saving grace was his excellent cricket tea!

Chandler8-0-32-1.Gilbert8-0-30-1.Heaver8-0-30-3.Tedbury8-0-28-0.Roberts8-0-35-0.
Guinness 15.Gilbert 10.Hyland 8.Heaver 21.Roberts 21.Tedbury 5 no. Chandler 0.W.Clamp 1.

Weds 17th July.Seas End Hall away. Oasby lost by 26 runs. SEHall 123. Oasby 97.

Put into the field, Caley's resplendent athletes gathered on a beautiful evening in deepest Lincolnshire. Early success with a run out by Guinness and a fine wicket by Gilbert got Oasby the advantage early on. Multiple dropped catches didn't do the Houblonians any favours, gifting the advantage to the opposition. Further reward was only forthcoming when young Young turned his spin finger to take two victims.(young Young is not Chinese) Seas End Hall finished with 123 off 20 overs.
The fines kitty, bulging from Earshaw and Caley in the field, had even more reward from the batsmen. Six ducks, one golden, told a sorry story. Caley could have won the game for his boys, only to be on the end of a shocking decision by umpire Tedbury. Gilbert and Crunkhorn carried their bats. Oasby finished 26 runs short.
Being a positive team we decided that this was probably a losing draw and have appealed to the ICC for a decision on this at their earliest convenience.
We retired to the Golden Lion, where the locals hadn't seen such pure bred genetic manhood for generations. They all nodded their two heads and waved their webbed fingers to us and seemed very friendly, although we couldn't understand a word they said. We finished our drinks and fled.

Gilbert4-0-21-1.Hopcroft4-0-17-0.Tedbury4-0-21-0.Concord2-0-20-0.Guinness4-0-39-0.Young2-0-6-2.
Guinness 0.Caley 13.Gilbert 28 notout.Hopcroft 0.Thompson 0.Young 0.Hyland 6. Earnshaw 0. Crunkhorn 21 notout. Tedbury 3. Clamp 0.


Sunday June 29th, Hougham and Marston away. Oasby won by 56 runs.

Starved of cricket by the British Summer, the assembled warriors of Oasby stalked the out field like caged Panthers. A warm up game against Newcastle's finest produced a one sided fielding performance by the panthers. Humiliated by Oasby's power, the Geordie boys went home, declining to bowl at Clough and his partners. Warm up complete, the main event against Hougham proceeded in a reduced over format due to liquid sunshine. Heavers gladiators in the form of Caley and Clough opened the battering with abandon. An interruption to the scoring coincided with a brief visit to the crease by Chandler. He returned to the pavilion soon after. Harry Webster on debut put together a stylish innings to finish undefeated with Gilbert. Clough once again top scored.
Another debutant opened the bowling attack. Boydfield bowled off spin to great effect. Roberts found the pitch less receptive to his unique style of finger spin. Resplendent with new barnet colour, the ginger spinner finished wicket less. Pedro Webster gave the batsmen his full repertoire of deliveries. Unfortunately only a low percentage of them pitched on the cut surface. Heaver and Gilbert finished the innings off and Guinness, with the reactions of a rattle snake, stumping a victim. Oasby won and happy days ensued. We imbibed.

Clough 38. Caley 21. Chandler 2. H.Webster 30 notout. Gilbert 27 notout. 138 for 3 of 18 overs.

Boydfield.3-0-6-2. Roberts.3-0-16-0. Chandler.3-0-13-0. Pedro Webster.3-0-30-0. Heaver.3-0-14-2. Gilbert.3-0-8-3.


Friday June 27th, Bourne at Ancaster.

No assembling, lots of excuses, no sick notes (but they will be required in future) (for a fee , provided by Dr's Tedbury or Caley) = no team. So no game, no triumph and on to the next game with joy in our hearts. But no beer. Sob again.

Saturday June 21st , Ashby Carrington at Ancaster.

Once again the warriors assembled, fortified by previous regulars and other mighty prospects relishing the game and vowing to give their all for the team. Would we see the elegant swish of Caley junior? Would Guiness show he was more than a "behind-the-sticks" man? Would "Dr Spin's" spinning finger actually be employed? Would the Clough demonstrate his frightening pace with the promise of processed pork products? Would there be acne for Chandler to aim at? Who would captain the side? Would the rain cease? No. It rained. No game. No beer. Sob.


Sunday June 16th. Corby Glen home at Ingoldsby. Oasby won by 202 runs.

Oasby put into bat made hay whilst the sun shone. A beautiful wicket prepared by Messrs Chandler and Gilbert turned out to be a batsmans dream and Dr. Spins nirvana.
Guinness and Caley bludgeoned the opening attack into submission at seven an over. Clough, in a rich vein of form, top scored for the second week in succession with 56. Gilbert played a measured innings to anchor the side, finishing with 49 not out and avoiding a jug for the second week. Although having a standing ovation for his fifty turned out to be a premature celebration when Chandlers arithmetic was found to be wanting. Oasby totaled 245 for 8 off 40 overs.
Heavers tea was a disastrous episode in Cloughs life. Devoid of processed pork products Clough declined to bowl in the coming Corby innings, feigning faintness from starvation. All others found it a splendid spread.
Chandler miserly opened the attack with a four over lesson in line and length, ably partnered by Hopcroft who used width to his advantage. Gilbert, Caley and Hopcroft took a victim each. Tedbury strode to the wicked, resplendent in white slacks, ironed shirt and trimmed beard. He took the ball from his captain with a steely glint in his eyes. He was heard to say 'leave it to me skipper. I don't want a cow corner or long on.' Folk law will later say that Dr. spin turned a delivery, but in truth they were all his 'other' ball. And what a ball. Five overs, five wickets for nine runs. Corby were powerless in the thrall of greatness. Catches were spilt, catches were spurned, Caley fell under the high ball like a shot stag. Tedbury continued undeterred. Corby failed to reach the target by 202 runs.
Oasby won and tried to find a pub open at six pm on a Sunday. Tedbury bought a round and happy days were upon us.


Chandler 4-2-2-0. Hopcroft 3-0-10-1. Tedbury 5-1-9-5. Gilbert 4-1-15-1. Caley 0.3-0-1-1

Guinness 35. Caley 41. Clough 56. Gilbert 49 notout. Hyland 4. Hopcroft 8. heaver 8. Tedbury 5.Chandler 5 notout.

Sunday June 8th; Lord Nelson away. Oasby Won by 115 runs.

Dragged from his sick bed with the promise of a splendid tea at ' the Lord Nelson' , Clough was not disappointed. Winning the toss, Heaver elected to bat before selflessly retiring so that others could play. Guinness and Hyland opened the scoring with Clough and Gilbert taking over to set an impressive partnership of 70. The middle order continued to fire on all cylinders with all contributing and Caley scoring a cameo 26 not out. Chandler and Webster were saved for the bowling attack. With 177 on the board Clough was first in to the tea table. Having lost 14 lbs whilst poorly sick the 'Cloughster' demolished sausage rolls with the ferocity of his earlier batting display. Having top scored at batting he was jolly well going to top score at the tea interval also.
Chandler and Roberts softened the batsmen up for Gilbert and Clough to take the plaudits. Both of the dynamic duo both expertly missed out on fivefors, thereby saving themselves the pain of jug buying. Guinness was imperious behind the stumps, snaffling catches for fun and even leaving one for Clough. Gilberts leg spinner claimed two helpless victims and Clough bamboozled the Nelson captain with a straight slow full toss. He was a little distressed to have to return to the pavilion after being given the finger of death. All were impressed at the distance he threw his bat whilst making his way back to the hutch, muttering about the injustice of life. Webster shone in the field with a master class of throwing. The Nelson tail did not wag. Webster and Dr spin were not required to sweep up the rabbits.
Oasby won and we were quite pleased. We drank beer and patted our own backs.

Chandler 4-1-8-0. Roberts 4-0-18-1. Gilbert 5.2-0-16-4. Clough 5-0-14-4

Guinness 14. Hyland 2. Clough 42. Gilbert 33. Thompson 18. Tedbury 8. Caley 26 n.o. Earnshaw 13. Roberts 0 n.o.

Sunday May 18th;Ancaster away.Oasby lost by 4 wickets.
Bouncy castle injury and the zoo claimed two of Oasby's finest before stumps. Undeterred the gladiators took to the field batting first against the callow youth of Ancaster, safe in the knowledge that Chandler loves the challenge of bowling at acne. Dr. Caley, interrupting his BBQ. season, failed to trouble the scorer. Hopcroft made an impressive start on debut , Heaver and later Chandler batting like men possessing a modicum of ability. Webster looked a shadow of his former impressive form, and Roberts complete with travelling support scored 10 more than his fans expected. Oasby amassed 141 runs by tea. The best score of the season to date, but tea had the batsmen thinking they should have done better. Poor Cloughy would have loved these sausage rolls.
Ancaster started batting with the Butcher opening the innings, followed by A. Baker and A. Candlestickmaker. They all used the bat edges to maddening effect. Oasby had not an ounce of good fortune and this set the tone for the rest of the innings. To their credit Ancaster rode their luck and the youthful middle order took them home.
Webster had to be removed from the attack as the umpire was near exhaustion signaling wides and no balls. Again we hope Webster regains his later-day form. Oh, Doctor Spin. You are a prince among men. Dr.Caley had a mixed day, contributing to the Guinness fines kitty along with Gilbert who paid up like a man.
Oasby lost and we were a little down hearted, but we drank beer and resolved to do better.


Chandler 7-1-33-0.Gilbert 8-0-19-2. Webster 2-0-8-1. Bristow 4-0-23-0. Roberts 7-2-36-3. Heaver 5.5-0-17-0.

Caley 0.Hyland 3.Hopcroft 28. Gilbert 10. Guinness 10. Thompson 12. Heaver 20. Roberts 10. Webster 4. Chandler 14. Bristow 0 n.o.


Sunday May11th; Scopwick away. Oasby lost by 24 runs.
Ten warriors of oasby were unleashed to do battle on the astroturf of scopwick on a beautiful summers afternoon. Losing the coin flip Oasby took to the field with all the bowlers getting reward except Gilbert who was unsuited to the pitch conditions. Amongst the Bowling honours Clough and Doctor Spin took the plaudits with risible attempts by Scopwick to lay a bat on the Beardy 'doosera'. Clough took four catches and had lined up his fifth only to have his pocket picked by a louder shouting Thompson.
The crowd of spectators were entertained by unconventional fielding by Chandler and a game of drop ball by Roberts, Heaver and Clough. Limiting the score to 145 Clough attacked the tea table with relish at the break, carbo loading for an epic innings to come.
Oasby opened with Guinness and Earnshaw showing great concentration to limit their scoring to 22 from the first 10 overs. Earnshaw played one shot too many and departed the scene for Clough and then Guinness chopped on for Gilbert to take over. Clough, replete and satisfied from the tea table flashed hard and wide and returned for more Melton pork pie.Webster and then Roberts played much better innings than their previous, pummeling the bowling attack into submission with 4 runs a piece. Thompson played his best innings for Oasby bar none, missing out on top scoring by a single run to Mr Extras. Going along nicely Gilbert's shot selection let him down and he joined Clough for more pork pie.Heaver carried on with his good form and got Oasby back in contention but luck ran out for scopwick with Tedbury pacing to the crease. A single started the rout off, followed by an outlandish "cow" that had the paying public gasping in disbelief. If Dr Bat hadn't run out of partners a maiden century looked an odds on certainty. With Chandler at the wicket everyone present was confident of the mighty pair knocking off the required runs to send Oasby home victorious.Chandler's technique let him down under pressure and Tedbury's maiden century was left in tatters. Oasby scored 121 runs.
We lost, but we were not down hearted. Those of us free of thumb prints drank beer.

Chandler 6.3-1-18-2 Gilbert 8-0-33-0 Roberts 8-0-45-1 Webster 5-0-23-2 Clough 6-2-19-3 Tedbury 5-1-9-1

Guinness 11. Earnshaw 2. Clough 3. Gilbert 17. Webster 4. Roberts 4. Thompson 26. Heaver 13. Tedbury 7 no. Chandler 7.




Sun April 27th; away. Oasby lost by 55 runs.
The tone was set when battling Oasby turned up one player short and half an hour late.
Losing the toss Oasby were set to task in the field with all the bowlers taking a wicket except Chandler and some good fielding producing two run outs.
Marston scored 160 off 40 overs.
Oasby opened their innings with a careful partnership between Guinness and Earl, with Earl falling to a run out and Jack entering the fray. Jack misjudged his first ball and had to return to the pavillion to be replaced by Clough. Guinness followed soon after, failed by the Kahuna.
Gilbert and Clough got the scoreboard ticking over with some characteristically agressive shots from Cloughie, until Clough couldn't ignore his hunger pangs any more and retired hungry, posting the innings top score.Roberts strode to the middle with runs on his mind. He watched his first ball on to his pads and his second on to his stumps. Captain Heaver then took up the challenge with some crisp hitting with a notable six. However Heaver heaved at one too many and Tedbury was in bat. The opposition rattled by his physical presence and obvious big hitting credentials pushed the field out, but to no avail with the Doctor stroking his first ball for four, with his new bat.Thank you Mrs Tedbury. With Gilbert holding his end up Chandler replaced Tedbury. Obviously put off by the bad light, Chandler froze in the middle and looked on with horror as the clampesque delivery trickled onto his stumps for another first ball quack.
It was down to Thompson and Gilbert to steer Oasby to victory. The battling duo only failed by 55 ish runs falling to an embarrassing run out. Gilbert was undefeated. Oasby had scored 105 runs.
We lost, but we were not down hearted. WE DRANK BEER.

Chandler 8-0-45-0. Gilbert 8-1-24-1.Earl 8-1-17-1.Roberts 8-1-20-1 .Heaver 4-0-31-1. Clough 4-0-15-1

Guinness 5. Earl 6. Webster 0. Clough 31. Gilbert 27no. Heaver 20. Roberts 0. Tedbury 4. Chandler 0. Thompson 1.